Tried of your book sitting around on Amazon’s virtual shelf?
Is your book sales lazy?
It’s time to get that book into shape!
That’s right, I lost some FAT in a key area of my book… the DESCRIPTION! I think it goes without saying, your book description is a pretty important element of gaining a potential reader’s interest. Think about it, when you shop for your next pleasure read, what do you go to first? I bet you said the back cover! Your book’s description should be second only to the cover in terms of interesting and even with knowing this, I made some major mistakes with the setup of my original description. This is the original description that was available with my first novel ‘Golden Heart‘:
After the mass murder of the Dashiell family line by the demons from the nearby dark lands, the people of Locklynn find themselves for the first time without a Heavenly appointed Priestess. In the absence of divine leadership, Clayton Harwell has risen to power as a black hearted tyrant whose only concern is passing on his new found power to his sons, Cyril and Drake. At the center of Heaven’s powers on Earth, and the center of his lust for dominance, is the Golden Heart. An artifact bequeathed to the Dashiell bloodline, one which only they can barely stand to touch. All others face the Angel’s incinerating fury, including Lady Alexandra Harwell, Clayton’s own wife.
In the middle of the fighting is Marleah Craft, a rebel leader and unwitting heir to the Dashiell bloodline and all the powers of Heaven that goes with it. She is torn between liberating Locklynn of the Harwells and her desire to remain the woman her mother, Clare Craft wanted her to be.
A stranger starts to become more than a friend, a friend turns out to be an enemy, death turns out to not be so finial, and a brothel becomes an unlikely sanctuary as Marleah fights against her destiny and her own identity. Can she be a Craft and a Dashiell at the same time? Does she even want to be? In the end she will have to decide… who does she want to be?
Could you get though all of that? To me, this falls into the ‘doesn’t look long, but reads loooong’ in other words, it’s chock full of fatty fluff. It appears to have a decent length to it, but it feels like you just wasted a good 5 minutes of your time, and I bet it didn’t hook you into the story all that much either did it? Don’t worry I won’t blame you for thinking this way, because while its taken me a few months to realize it, I see it now too.
This original version of my description also fell prey to the trap of saying too much without purpose. For example, I have no good reason why I mentioned ‘Lady Alexandra Harwell’. She isn’t a main charter, and while her part in the book plays it’s role of showing you what a tyrant Clayton is, you have no reason to care about her in the description.
There’s all around room for improvement here. So I picked up my laptop one day, and typed up something new. Here is what I plan on using now:
A nameless baby is given to a dying solider.
An orphan is found in the early frost, clutched in the arms of a dead man.
A mother is killed before she can raise a daughter.
A woman finds family with a band of rebels.
The Dashiell family was killed years ago. A black hearted tyrant is in control of Locklynn, and he intends to keep his power in the family. The rebels mean to take that power away, and helping to lead the revolution is Marleah Craft. She must face death to learn the truth, that there is more at stake than freedom in the outcome of this war… and she just might be the tide that turns the fighting to the rebels favor.
The key to her past, and Clayton’s lust for dominance, is the Golden Heart.
A stranger starts to become more than a friend. A friend turns out to be an enemy.
Death turns out to not be so finial, and a brothel becomes an unlikely sanctuary as Marleah fights against her destiny and her own identity.
A little better? I hope so! This new description has cut down on all that ‘fatty’ information that made the first beefed up and boring. I feel that this version has made it look and feel like time well spent reading. I added a beginning hook that would (hopefully) act like a series of points that keeps the eye following along. The idea behind this is if the reader has stayed on through those first few interesting sentences, they will stay through the rest of the description as it runs right into the main points.
Here I tided up the main points, you get history and setting in a quick snippet, followed by who the main character is and what/who she will be dealing with in the story. Then I wrapped it up in the same fashion as I started it, but this time instead of trying to draw a reader into the description, I tried ending with a hook.
Let me know what you think in the comments!